![]() They smoke it and, in a drug-induced haze, order an extra large pizza with everything on it. The Empty Nester–When the last child moves out at the age of 34, the man and woman find a bag of weed under their child’s mattress. They achieve mutual orgasm thinking about how much money they saved by not booking a hotel room. The Viagra Commercial–The naked man and woman sit in separate bathtubs on a beach, holding hands at sunset. ![]() This position is recommended only for couples with limber bank statements and a therapist on speed dial. The woman sneaks out of the house and melts down his credit cards in Nordstrom’s shoe department. The Super Bowl–The man sits in a Barcalounger, his thighs spread wide, one hand down his shorts, the other in a large bowl of nachos, shouting obscenities at the TV screen. Now that you’re thrilled just to get out of bed every morning without needing Advil, here’s an updated version of the Kama Sutra for us “oldies.” (Consult a medical professional before trying these positions at home.) You may have been tempted to try the exotic sex positions described in the Kama Sutra back in the day when you could actually wrap your ankles around your neck.
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